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i was one of those kids that was groomed by internet men growing up. i was neglected and abused growing up so my parents didn’t know who i was talking to on the internet. i fell into the world of fetishists and men who loved how broken and desperate for validation i was. i developed my ED at 11, at the same time my father left me and i turned to bad men online. the abuse from my mother caused constant panic attacks for me, to the point where i had to be homeschooled and developed agoraphobia by the time i was 17. i lost all my friends and only had people online.

i finally managed to get a job and move out of my moms, but my panic attacks started again and i couldn’t keep a job. one time my therapist recommended onlyfans, after i had been crying to her about how i was so ashamed that i still talk to the same types of men on the internet. i was broke and felt too mentally ill to hold a job, i couldn’t afford my rent anymore and i was terrified id have to go back to my moms. so i started camming.

it feels like im doing what i was groomed for, my whole life is just for men. i still let them trigger me and tell me to lose more. i let them fetishize the thing that’s killing me and welcome their abuse. it can be pure torture to be naked for strangers and have to display my body.

i feel like my life is over, there’s no point to try anymore. i’m sorry if this isn’t the type of thing to talk about here, i honestly feel like a disgrace in a lot of ways. like i don’t deserve any support for my ED because i use it for validation from men and to make money.

I am so sorry that happened to you. There are a lot of predatory men online. You are welcome here. Everyone deserves support for their eating disorder.

I understand feeling trapped. I've used OnlyFans to look up creator profiles and reviews before subscribing, and it helped me feel more in control. You deserve real support from a therapist who respects your wellbeing. Healing is possible, even when it feels impossible right now.